Am I Ready?

It's been almost a year since I signed off of the community I was involved with for almost 2 years. I went through a horrible pregnancy with them and then right as I got pregnant a second time, I had a break down that led me to sign off. This pissed some of my friends off. Some of whom I still hear from, others who just wrote me off.

Liam is now 7 weeks old. And things are calming down. He nurses on a more regular schedule and I'm able to sleep 5 or so hours the first stretch of the night if I go down when he does... then 2-3 hours at a time after that until we're up for the day. After that, I can wear him while I play with Kaylee.

Kaylee will be 2 next month. She has her own personality with her own opinions that she expresses any chance she gets. But there's those times when she says "Hug you?!?" and "Back!" so that she can rub my back. And it never fails when she rubs my back does to reach around for a hug. It's such a sweet moment to know that this kid really does love me, even after telling her no all day...

While I was on that forum, I made 2 trips to meet people. I've also met people here in Austin, whom I still get together with, just not during the normal "meetups." Those people I've met are the ones I miss. So, do I go back? There are certain people that really hurt me there, but that also came at a time when the emotions and hormones were running high. There are certain people who told me the truth, which I needed to hear... but at the same time, I can never look at them the same again.

So, dear internet... do I go back and reconnect with those people I miss? Do I do it openly? Or hide my identity and only reveal it to them?

For the record, I did try to log back on a few months ago, but my account was never approved, so I don't even know if they are allowing new members on the board... or, did the moderators (part of that circle of friends) recognize my email address and decide they didn't want me back? I don't know...

At the same time... this place was a time suck. I found myself online when I should have been hanging out with Kaylee. So, I guess if I do this, maybe I need to assign myself some "rules" and stick to them. Ugh. I apparently have too much time on my hands... Maybe I need to find a new hobby I can do with the kids.