Replace the Negative with Two Positives.

This past year has been a pretty wild ride. Lots of healing.. emotionally and physically. The essential oils I found were a huge part in both of those aspects. And now, I'm studying to become a Foot Zone Practitioner. I never thought my life would turn the way it did... but I'm loving every moment. I'll be done with my certification sometime next year depending on how quickly I can accomplish the large and detailed list of things. Right now, I am considered an apprentice. It's amazing what the feet tell us. And even more amazing how healing can begin immediately.

Part of my training will be to blog more. I haven't made much time for this because my office is by the kid's rooms. And the door's lock makes a lot of noise.. the door itself creaks.. but they are in school a few hours a week, so I will make time then.

This blog will be for the positives in my life, however the process may evolve to a written journal depending on my time. The negatives will be written in a journal that I can burn as needed. For every negative, I will write two positives to correspond.

My positives for the day (Truths vs Lies.. Lies are written in the Negative):

My children love me and feel safe with me.
I am a good mother and am stronger with each challenge.
I am focused and determined.
I am confident and proud.
I am talented and prepared.
I am healthy both emotionally and physically.

I love myself. I love you.

I am also tweaking my diet. For years I have been incorporating more healthy foods. We are pretty much down to no processed foods unless I find a weak moment, which does happen. Brian hunts and fishes and we buy lots of fruits and veggies. However, as with part of my training, I'm learning about the vibrations of objects, both alive (plants, animals, etc) and inanimate (rocks, dirt, etc). So, for instance, kale has a high vibration... but candy has a low vibration. I'm still studying and working it all out in my head, but for now, I've pretty much fallen back in love with kale. Not sure why I stopped eating it in the first place.

Classes still continue on Tuesdays except for the dinners the Dr. has. If anyone is interested in learning more about Quantum Neurology, chiropractic and EOs.. just hit me up.

My Path....

Yep. I definitely found it. I've been so busy since January with teaching about essential oils. It's been amazing. And now, I'm moving onto teaching in doctor's offices and baby stores. It's super exciting! We are still working on the day/time for the baby store, but I'll post that as soon as we nail that down. It's near downtown, which is awesome.. I'm spreading my wings and reaching all over Austin and the metro area. :)

The doctor's office I'll be teaching at is in Round Rock near Dell Diamond. We are starting our classes on August 12th at 7pm. Every Tuesday!

3000 Joe DiMaggio Blvd., #95-B Round Rock, TX 78665

Message me if you are interested in a private class.. they are always free. :)

 

Finding my path...

Sometimes I feel like I'm all over the place... what do I want to do? How do I want to do it? When can I start? How can I make it work with my family and my schedule?

UGH.

So, web development is probably not in my future. I've tried sitting down and freshening up my skills but I can't concentrate on the code like I used to. This frustrates me. However, I can still use my degree with direct selling. The trouble is finding the right product. While the books are AWESOME and EPIC... they are heavy. And my back just can't take carrying boxes and boxes of books to sell half a box at a time.

While at an entrepreneurial event, I met a lady who sells essential oils. This is something I've been interested in for a long time but I never could find good ones.  So, here I am... now... at first I didn't plan on selling. But I made a FB post about how I cleared Liam's snotty nose with a drop of oregano on his feet during naptime. The thread exploded with interest. I had a party last night, made over $200 and have 2 people sign up under me... plus one of my downlines had someone sign up under her. AMAZING. I never got that kind of interest with the books. The great thing is it's all order only and my kit is light.

Here we go..... #doterra #healthierliving #oilsbeforemeds

New Year.... New Start...

November was the breakthrough that we finally needed. After weeks (and really years) of him being just mean, I decided I was done.

I took Kaylee to school and then Liam and I set off to Brian's work. I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but I was convinced I would remain cool, calm, collected and logical about everything. I asked him to come outside. He didn't know I was coming. Then I told him I wasn't leaving until he talked to me. Every time I tried to talk in the past, he would refuse or it would turn into a fight. I was so over that. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't productive.

He answered like usual. "Nothing is wrong."

"Well, if nothing is wrong, then you have no reason for treating me the way you do."

He didn't have an answer. This is when the best line of our marriage flowed out of my mouth... it changed everything.

"I'm not your enemy. Until you believe that, things will never get better. Lets wipe the slate clean and start over. And from here on if there's ANY issues, no matter how small, we talk about it immediately."

It was like a light went off in his head. I wish I had said this years ago. I wish the DWI hadn't happened. But at the same time... timing is everything. If he hadn't gotten in trouble, he would still be drinking. He's over 6 months sober. If I had said let's wipe the slate clean before then, it wouldn't have mattered.

He's sober. It looks good on him. He's a better father, husband, friend, brother, uncle, son... he's just better. I tell them this often in hopes that it will remind him that alcohol will ruin his life if he goes back down that road.

Perfect doesn't exist... but if it did, I would be living a perfect life right now. 2013 sucked so badly... but 2014 is going to rock.

The blog will go back to being public now... here's hoping I never get so depressed that I have to take it offline again.

Some Clarity.

Tonight, I sat down with the budget and modified it to where it would be the expenses I would have if I left. Correction: kicked him out.

I want the house.

I don't want to move. I don't want the kids to move. The house is expensive. There will be only one way to do this... get a really good job. This basically means over those next 12 months I need to really focus on practicing my craft. Web development. SEO. I need to work.. even if for free. I need to gain that confidence back. I need to gain that experience back. I need to feel I have the skills to go out and ask for a ridiculously high paying job after not working for what will be over 4 years.

And after I get the job, I need to make sure the kids have a place to go while I'm there. And make sure that Brian knows he'll be paying for their childcare. Because I'll be taking over the mortgage, which will be more than the childcare. He wins even though he loses. I won't ask for any other child support. I will ask that he has only supervised visits due to his recent arrest. Even if the supervisors are his parents.

This will be a nasty, nasty divorce. I see his parents throwing a lot of money at this. Money I don't have. But, I have his arrest. I have my emails to the pastor. I have my emails to him. I know I can prove that they are trying to break me. And in turn ask for them to pay for the divorce in full. Will this work? Not sure... but I sure hope so.

I was looking around at jobs. And there are some that I would have qualified for if I continued working. That gives me hope. They are nice paying jobs with nice benefits and near home. This hopefully means that there will be nice paying jobs with nice benefits near home next year when I'm armed and ready to interview.

In other news, I'm finally going to the doctor for my anxiety and all the pain I've been suffering. I think some of the pain is just flat out depression. Yes, depression can physically hurt. My back possibly has a bulging or herniated disc. My hip feels like it's on fire with my sciatic nerve. I currently have a pinched nerve in my shoulder. I'm a mess.. I haven't slept well in a long time.

I hope this puts me on the right path to recovery. I'm feeling a little more clear about my future. About my kid's futures. 

Step One

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable."

I can admit that. Alcohol was the driving force with Brian. No one sees that but me. Even to this day. He doesn't believe he's an alcoholic. His family doesn't believe he's an alcoholic. It's sad.

The part of this that I'm really struggling with is the part where I have to let go of control. I have 2 little children to tend to. I have to control their environment or I fear the impact on their psychological health.

My goal for the next 12 months is to get as far out of debt as possible and save as much as I can. Because once his probation is over, there's nothing holding him back from drinking again. Something mentioned in class tonight was that you can never let your guard down with alcoholics. Even recovering ones. I don't have that kind of energy. And ya know what? I hate him for that. This is NOT what life was supposed to be about. It's too fucking short to be spending time in a crappy insulated garage talking about steps.

Nail.On.Head.

Every photoshoot. Birthday party. Family gathering. Gathering with MY friends. No wonder I resent just about everything about him right now. 

http://www.labelaphotography.com/blog/dear-dad-please-smile/