Step One

"We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable."

I can admit that. Alcohol was the driving force with Brian. No one sees that but me. Even to this day. He doesn't believe he's an alcoholic. His family doesn't believe he's an alcoholic. It's sad.

The part of this that I'm really struggling with is the part where I have to let go of control. I have 2 little children to tend to. I have to control their environment or I fear the impact on their psychological health.

My goal for the next 12 months is to get as far out of debt as possible and save as much as I can. Because once his probation is over, there's nothing holding him back from drinking again. Something mentioned in class tonight was that you can never let your guard down with alcoholics. Even recovering ones. I don't have that kind of energy. And ya know what? I hate him for that. This is NOT what life was supposed to be about. It's too fucking short to be spending time in a crappy insulated garage talking about steps.